You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
