btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
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