i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
