Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
