Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
