hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
