dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
