all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
