you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We left the knife in your bed.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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