You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
