Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
