Nicole vs. Life
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
