Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
