Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
