porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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