ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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