But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
