I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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