I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
