kristin has been a bad kristin
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
