I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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