You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
