if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize