If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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