You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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