I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize