Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
