It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Randomize
