I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
