I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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