I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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