I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
