shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
