i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
