your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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