i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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