Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
