so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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