The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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