i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
