dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I need to sanitize my soul.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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