he thought i was a dude.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
