Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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