This is not my ceiling
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
