I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
