I like my sex mixed with concussions.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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