Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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