I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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