my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize