i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
