Non-Jews are for practice
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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