You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
