What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
