and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
