you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
