Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize