He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize