My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
