I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
