there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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