It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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