he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
