I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
These tits shall not be calmed
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
