Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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