I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
