she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
