I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
