actually, I'm a sock model
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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