We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
