I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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