Just fell off a train. Bad.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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