i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
