"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
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