anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
