Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
