If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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