You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize