I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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