you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
