i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
