I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
