HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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