So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
