I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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