I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
