"it" just moved
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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