Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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