Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
