She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize