haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
