At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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