At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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