allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
