What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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