The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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