i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
