Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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