I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
