Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
