Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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