Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
