dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
