Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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