My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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