I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
