Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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