Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
