Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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