Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
