i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I have post one night stand depression
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
