Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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