Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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