No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
