Nicole vs. Life
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
