can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
