I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
