I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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