I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
