I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
