Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
