my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
